Pain.
Pain is one of the most isolating things in the world. No matter how
you describe your pain, or try to help someone understand what it
feels like, you can't. From a pin prick to the most agonsing pain you
can imagine – even that will differ from person to person. Simply
because we've all experienced different levels of it, and we all have
different pain thresholds. Even if our pain for something was
exactly the same, we'd never have any way of knowing. Now I may seem
like I'm stating the obvious but when you think about it, pain really
is indescribable. This isn't usually a big issue for most people, but
when you're someone who suffers with chronic pain, from a chronic
condition/illness like I and many others do, it can be the most
frustratingly desolate thing in the world.
Pain
is lonely and the best way I can describe it as a whole is makes you
feel as if you're trapped in a tiny prison. A suffocating, dark room,
with no doors, no windows, everything seals you inside. All apart
from a tiny crack in the wall, the faintest stream of light flickers
through – it seems just big enough to call through to people
on the outside, an opportunity to cry for help, or explain to them
how you're feeling. To really make them understand so it's that
little bit easier to cope with. To no avail. And sometimes you may
get someone on the outside calling through to you, but no matter how
loud either of you shout, how long you try, you just can't get
through. But if you're lucky enough you'll find someone who,
although they can't get to you and your pain, they can't ever fully
understand what it's like or take it away. They'll sit just outside
that crack in the wall, and they'll never leave. They may not
understand your pain, but they'll be with you in some sense.
I
find that when dealing with pain the best advice I can give is if you
are lucky enough to have a supportive network whether it be just one
person or a whole group of people, who are willing to and doing their
best to be supportive. The best thing to do is to make sure you don't
let that horrible darkness engulf you and make you feel like you're
all alone, so much so that you end up pushing those people away and
isolating yourself further. Doctors can hand out painkiller after
painkiller, which all have side effects for which you'll end up
needing more pills to fix. Physically and medically pills may help
your pain, but when you're suffering on a constant basis, as I've
said it can make you feel alone, upset and just really down in the
dumps, and that's horrible on top of everything else. So having
someone around to take the weight off, ease the burden or just talk
to about, can really be just as helpful as any pill.
I
could have easily written this describing how much pain I suffer with
on a day to day basis, what it stops me doing, how it effects my
life. Although it would maybe have opened a few eyes as to how
someone who looks completely healthy can be the complete opposite.
It wouldn't really have achieved anything for me, apart from getting
it off my chest. But I have people I can do that with. This way I
thought maybe it would let anyone reading know that if you're in the
same boat as I or experiencing something similar. You're not alone. I
understand, maybe not your exact pain but I understand what it can do
to your head, how it can – if you let it, change you as a person,
and mould you into someone you don't want to be. Please don't let
that horrible dark room of pain win, there's always other people on
the outside. You're never alone.
If
you are reading this and are feeling lonely – Don't underestimate
people around you, sometimes you just need to start the conversation.
Of course you can always send me a message and I'll do my best to try
to understand or lend you a listening ear.
All
my love
Jamie
xox
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