Wednesday, 18 May 2016

A Lonely Dark Room Named Pain

Pain. Pain is one of the most isolating things in the world. No matter how you describe your pain, or try to help someone understand what it feels like, you can't. From a pin prick to the most agonsing pain you can imagine – even that will differ from person to person. Simply because we've all experienced different levels of it, and we all have different pain thresholds. Even if our pain for something was exactly the same, we'd never have any way of knowing. Now I may seem like I'm stating the obvious but when you think about it, pain really is indescribable. This isn't usually a big issue for most people, but when you're someone who suffers with chronic pain, from a chronic condition/illness like I and many others do, it can be the most frustratingly desolate thing in the world.

Pain is lonely and the best way I can describe it as a whole is makes you feel as if you're trapped in a tiny prison. A suffocating, dark room, with no doors, no windows, everything seals you inside. All apart from a tiny crack in the wall, the faintest stream of light flickers through – it seems just big enough to call through to people on the outside, an opportunity to cry for help, or explain to them how you're feeling. To really make them understand so it's that little bit easier to cope with. To no avail. And sometimes you may get someone on the outside calling through to you, but no matter how loud either of you shout, how long you try, you just can't get through. But if you're lucky enough you'll find someone who, although they can't get to you and your pain, they can't ever fully understand what it's like or take it away. They'll sit just outside that crack in the wall, and they'll never leave. They may not understand your pain, but they'll be with you in some sense.

I find that when dealing with pain the best advice I can give is if you are lucky enough to have a supportive network whether it be just one person or a whole group of people, who are willing to and doing their best to be supportive. The best thing to do is to make sure you don't let that horrible darkness engulf you and make you feel like you're all alone, so much so that you end up pushing those people away and isolating yourself further. Doctors can hand out painkiller after painkiller, which all have side effects for which you'll end up needing more pills to fix. Physically and medically pills may help your pain, but when you're suffering on a constant basis, as I've said it can make you feel alone, upset and just really down in the dumps, and that's horrible on top of everything else. So having someone around to take the weight off, ease the burden or just talk to about, can really be just as helpful as any pill.

I could have easily written this describing how much pain I suffer with on a day to day basis, what it stops me doing, how it effects my life. Although it would maybe have opened a few eyes as to how someone who looks completely healthy can be the complete opposite. It wouldn't really have achieved anything for me, apart from getting it off my chest. But I have people I can do that with. This way I thought maybe it would let anyone reading know that if you're in the same boat as I or experiencing something similar. You're not alone. I understand, maybe not your exact pain but I understand what it can do to your head, how it can – if you let it, change you as a person, and mould you into someone you don't want to be. Please don't let that horrible dark room of pain win, there's always other people on the outside. You're never alone.

If you are reading this and are feeling lonely – Don't underestimate people around you, sometimes you just need to start the conversation. Of course you can always send me a message and I'll do my best to try to understand or lend you a listening ear.

All my love

Jamie xox

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